dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
pray to the hookup gods
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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