I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
