No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
