how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
