I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
