If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
