help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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