Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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