it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
