we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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