And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't deserve a penis
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
