I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
