id be glad to
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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