Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
