Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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