I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
