There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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