Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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