he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
