some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
