His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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