I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
