Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
