The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
