i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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