now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
