I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why did my mother make you get naked?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize