My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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