i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
