im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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