I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
