i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
