So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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