me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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