y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
