I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
