Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
