end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
