Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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