I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
