i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
