I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
