I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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