I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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