I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
