Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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