why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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