i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize