I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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