your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
