so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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