All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize