My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
