my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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