2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
