My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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