tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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