i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
