Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
