i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
