I cannot find my penis.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
