We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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