I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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