I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
