if i can run in heels then i can drive
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
