You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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