Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
