You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My hand turned me down
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
