Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
