In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
