I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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