Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
