Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
