First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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