I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
