so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
