I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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