Whod you bang
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
