After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
