Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
