oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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