Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
