dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
