Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
