Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
