I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize