If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize